Jump Start

Music | Damaged by Plumb

I feel the need to go back. In time, technique and general mindset. As the namesake of this blog, Tabula Rasa, I need to clear the slate, start over. It has been nearly 5 months since the opening of my solo exhibition in June and I haven't felt on track. I've been trying to stay busy and shoot, which is good, but I'm moving in directionless motion.

I look back to a time where I felt like this before and made a 2 day assignment of using a café to shoot portraits. One camera, a normal lens, black background and a reflector. I think I shot 25 portraits. Looking back, that was a courageous thing for me to do. I remember feeling a lot more distressed than I do now, so it only makes the follow thru that much more meaningful.

I'm not sure what it is that is bothering me about my work, being an artist, living my days. The other day, in my meandering style of shooting, I went out to Sauvie Island. This was not necessarily out of my comfort zone, but not something I do often. It felt new, and good. The fact that I contemplated the experience to be a good thing was a bit revelatory. A few days earlier, I was besides the St. Johns Bridge as the wind blew and the rain started. I just had the phone camera with me, but again, I thought about my immediate experience and how right it felt.

I'm not sure how far off the path I will go, photographing the things I do, the way I do it. But it is certain that in my brain, I know of a few important paths I need to go with...


Kate at Sauvie Island


Rain... St. John's Bridge

messages...

Music | Maddening Shroud by Frou Frou

On occasion, I write either emails, messages or posts to a forum that sums up a lot of what is going on in my head. I thought this one was worth archiving for reference...

email going back and forth with Janusz...

...I don't think that analogue is better, but the mind set going into a film shoot is totally different than doing it digitally. I know I am much more serious, sensitive and very mindful as to what is going on in the view finder and around me much more than when I shoot digital. I totally understand about chems going bad and the issues that have to be dealt with. It is just a matter of choice...

I was speaking with a friend about nostalgia. Recently, I have been getting creature comforts in my life that make me feel good. Of course many of them are from my past and the memories are what I hold on to. Things that I loved back then are have become symbols of a time that is no more. Prints losing way to screen is one... I started to wear an analogue watch again. I bought an old used Domke canvas bag to hold my camera gear. I recently bought the most expensive pen I even spent on such a thing so I can write more in my paper journal... I also traded an Audi for an old Volvo 240. I can work on the Volvo and fix things, where the Audi was just too intimidating to me. Everything is controlled by a computer...

I am sure a lot of my way of thinking keeps me shooting analogue. As I get older, I am losing the sense of now. So I go back to where I am comfortable, which is like 25 years ago... :-)

Tension of the Truth

Music | Rround Midnight by Bill Evans

I sometimes feel time flies by and I miss so much. This shoot was the first time ever I shot large format colour neg. I've been around the block several times over shooting film, especially back in the day... I don't know why, but the intimidation factor for this medium affected me more than I would have thought. Black and white has always been about interpretation, but colour... Colour puts it all out there on the table.

My thoughts after scanning 3 of the 4 sheets I shot over the weekend is that I mostly feel inept. Looking at the colour neg, I had no idea how to read it - not even exposure... Putting the neg on the scanning bed and going thru the software, I was at a lost. It also didn't help that the 1st 2 negatives I tried scanning, I didn't like after getting a totally exaggerated off colour.


The 3rd piece of film was the charm. First, I went for skin tones and background colour, for at least those 2 I had in my mind a somewhat close point of a reference. As I started working the scan, I had a sudden jump to the past why I thought back then, digital is the way to go! I remember back in the late 90's struggling with my film in the scanner, and mostly the dust issues! But this experience, even though scanning is a digital form, scanning this piece of film felt good. I worked for this shot. I harbored lots of doubt and mixed emotions for this image. This to me is what separates digital and analogue. It isn't about quality, round edges and blah blah blah for those who love to argue which is superior... It is the process going in and the actual moments of creating the image that gives me emotional vivacity.

So the thing about shooting colour film that was somewhat intimidating to me is that I knew it held truth. Many things have been revealed to me after going thru this process. Some negative (notice the pun) and some positive. I will deal with both the next time I do this again, along with every other frame I take. The learning process is what matters most...

Senaka, revisited...

Music | Senaka by Asa Chang and JunRay

I initially saw this video back in 2005 and the original link is dead. I managed to find it again and just wanted to share. It to me is just a Happy video to watch...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEd4QGVn1hY

I've learned the dancer is Masako Yasumoto...

Queen of the Forest...

Music | Dark Day by Fred Anderson







More Collaboration with Françoise Weeks

Thoughts on the Inside... A Letter to Ziyi

Music | You Again by Kate Havnevic

There are different views regarding creativity. Some have your ideas that lessons often stifle the ability to think openly because suddenly, you are restricted by rules. I know for myself, I have fond memories when I was in college taking photography courses. It was my initial formal lessons in photography. In that class, I was presented with rules and had to follow guidelines. I know it is different for me as I was an adult, where as your son is a child. However, I think in order to gain a well rounded basis for a musician, painter, photographer... you have to learn the rules in order to break them.

As in the case of Keenan, I like his earlier work as well. I think it was more open and free. Now he is working with purpose and direction, which I also think is a good thing. I think he is going thru a transition and will come out on the other side with more of his work representing himself, as opposed to the rules and structure of the genre of the work he thinks he is after.

As for myself, I know that we constantly struggle and search for meaning. We are in a constant battle to find what it is we want to express. I am either getting deeper into my freedom to express, or falling out of the path I was on, which I think has been very enlightening. Coming off that last exhibition I had in June, I had to stop. I had nothing to work off of and the time of nothingness was good for me. I am now entering either being lost, or going deeper on the path I have been on for the last 3 years.

I guess in a few months, I will know where I am headed...

Elizabeth Rohloff

Music | Kiss of Life by Sade

Recently shot the Autumn line for Elizabeth Rohloff Designs. I really enjoy the challenges of shooting in a more commercial setting. The rules are all different as are the structures for working with a client who has product to sell. Working with Elizabeth is pretty easy though because she knows what she wants and is organized with her product.

We actually worked together a few times just after I first moved to Portland, almost 15 years ago. She was one of my first clients where I shot all digital images. At a time where film was still prevalent, I remember using a Nikon 990!

With all that has changed with technology, some things stay the same. A plan, organization and the ability to rely on knowledge is always nice to fall back on. Our shoot went smoothly and we all had fun doing so...


A composite of some of the images for ElizaBeth Rohloff Designs

Serendipidy

Music | Where is My Mind by The Pixies

It is the grain, the uneven spread of the chemicals creating imperfect processing to the paper, the flaws... Nothing captures the eye nicer than flaws, when they work harmoniously to create beautiful imperfection...

This image is taken with the great Fuji 3000B Instant Film. Creating both positive and negative, I tend to produce images with the negative as the soul of the image lies within it.


TheAvalanches | Hat by Elizabeth Rohloff

The Print...

Music : Folk Song for Cello by Savath & Savalas

Such a shame it is to have to be reminded how beautiful a photographic print can be. I recently shot a few still lifes and thought how alluring it would be to see them as prints, as opposed to seeing them on a screen as I have become accustomed to. I've always thought it was my job to educate clients and the public in general how important photographs are. So easily have I been sucked into the norm, which is of course no excuse since I am a photographer.

The images below were captured almost by happenstance. Earlier in the week, I pulled out the aging pieces that Françoise Weeks created over 5 months ago for a photo shoot. I kept the pieces knowing that I wanted to shoot them again. The floral head piece and scarf were used a week ago with a model, but I just left the shoes in the box they lay rest in. The outdoor studio was consolidated because of rain earlier in the week, but was easy enough to set up a still life. I shot one shoe twice, the other, once and together, once.



TheAvalanches modeling the aged couture pieces by Françoise Weeks



Botanical shoe couture by Françoise Weeks


Botanical shoe couture by Françoise Weeks
There are images that speak to me and scream. The shoes are a great example. As I saw them on the screen, they demanded to be printed - on very nice, textural, heavy cotton rag paper. I can describe the prints as of course beautiful, but also substantial. There is weight depicted.

I've been on a binge printing after printing the shoes. I realize I may never catch up with physical prints, but having them laying about, speaking softly to me to pick them up, study, speculate and just enjoy image on paper is a good enough reason to keep going.

Stepping Back In...

Music | Freedom by World Saxophone Quartet

And slowly, after a flurry of wonderful events that have happened even weeks before the opening of my exhibition at Sesso and thru the rest of June and into July, my ride has slowed to where I can put my feet on the ground. I don't mind feeling a little bit left of center, I actually prefer it. It is my normal and where I like to be. So, now that I have "landed", I'm feeling the urge to shoot again.

I think the adage of, "With age comes wisdom" is somewhat true. I innately knew I needed to step off and let myself catch up. Along with my highs, especially emotionally, I had to deal with my demons. They come out as I come down from being out of my stratosphere. Reality sets in and slaps me awake as if I were in a dream state.

I think my circle has put me back to my creative space. My desire to get behind the camera is growing. Ideas are once again dancing in my head. It is nice to get back on the adventurous and familiar road.

On the Walls...

Music | Likufanele by Zero 7

As the show hangs at Sesso thru the end of July...


Main wall. 16x20 inch frames with 8x10 inch ambrotypes">






1) 16x20 inch frame with 8x10 inch ambrotypes and 4) 11x14 inch frames with 7x7 image"

Thank you to Emmy for the photos">

Post Exhibition Opening at Sesso...

Music | Breathe In by Frou Frou

I was driving to the opening a little disappointed as my date had a family emergency and couldn't make it. I opted to show fashionably late (30 minutes or so...) and the disappointment suddenly, at the turn into the doorway of Sesso, turned to fear! I saw so many people inside that I took a step backwards. Gathering my composure and a deep breath, I stepped on in and was greeted by so many friends that the fear turned into something else... Goodness. From that moment, the next hour and a half was just a whirlwind of hugs and smiles and laughter. I had a few missions that I had to cover, but beyond that, I let the evening take me...

The girls who were pre-tied and roped for the event looked absolutely fabulous. Thank you Cadence, Midnightmagenta, Mininapdx and especially Mitsu, who came down from Seattle just to be there. Big thank yous to Chaps, Mr. Old School and Noble for doing their amazing ropework under what looked like to me, crazy conditions. Those who were guests who allowed themselves to be roped, for the first time or not, you all looked great and added tremendously to the exhibition and show! Thanks to all at Sesso. The images wereagain, hung in flawless fashion and presented wonderfully... Thanks to the staff of Sesso for making this great event happen and made it look smooth as silk, under what was some crazy conditions. In my eyes, everything went on without a hitch!

All of the guests, friends, friends of friends et al., you guys get the biggest thanks. It was an amazing night for me and worth all of the work put into it. It is one of those nights that will be memorable for a very long time. I'll be older and greyer and have that night to give me a big smile on my face...

Thank you...


I was able to pull the models out for a quick shoot in front of the venue. I loved the energy and seeing the crowd outside just gawkng...

Sigh...

Music | The Sicilian by Bonobo

The show I knew I was having since last September is now out of my hands. The last 3 days has consisted of 16 hours of measuring, cutting, and assembling, all plates and prints are beautifully framed and delivered to the venue in which they will be hung for my opening exhibition in 4 days.

It has been grueling these last few months as I was trying to meet my own expectations of having so many images to choose for the show. I sadly fell short and knew that I would. This project was a struggle for more reasons I care to talk about. Self imposed, circumstance, and generally feeling out of sync; only momentarily did I feel at one with this project. As the opening day approaches the weight of getting it all together is over, I'm quickly gaining perspective. Battles are a good thing, especially when you can learn from them. This journey has certainly given me way more knowledge about myself than if I had not taken it on. Life would probably have been more simple, but reaching the heights I have and bottoming out to some uncertainties, I'm feeling good about where I have been and the road I chose to travel...

Some detail images from the upcoming exhibition...


Detail, Moonshine. Mask by Le Cordonnnier


Detail, Wil


Detail, Cadence


Detail, Mitsue

Letters

Music |

I got up at 2:34 a.m. today and had a revelatory idea in my brain that I thought well enough to get out of bed and write about. The initial idea, once put on paper opened up and defined other thoughts I was having and defined some things about and beyond what I was trying to convey. My first round was type written, but from the beginning, I knew I wanted to put ink to paper. Being in sort of a sub zone of consciousness I think is a good thing as you are much closer to your brain. In my sleep deprived zone, I come up with some really brilliant ideas. At least I think I do... Like dreams, the message often slips away as you slowly awaken...

But about writing, paper to ink... It is so sad that the world has moved away from an elegant, romantic, beautiful way of communicating. Paper in an envelope can travel anywhere you go. Bring along to reread and contemplate at your leisure. You carry with you and part of the writer... Time can be taken to read between the lines... Essence, ever so subtle can be expressed... The message can last a lifetime...

I recently wrote a letter to a dear friend. My hope is that my words are conveyed as I meant them. As time moves forward, all we have are memories. I hope that one day, decades from now, she rereads my words and can relive this time and have something to remember, fondly...

Digital? wtf?

Music | Flowers in December by Mazzy Star

It is been a crazy busy month of shooting and framing and more shooting. And with all the craziness going on, I've managed to work on quite of few ideas, which started into a new series, digitally captured to my surprise. I was able to get a iPad mini, thru selling some dear to my heart items, and few sales . I have to say, this has been on of my more important purchases in a very long time. Along with being connected with a larger screen than my phone, the ability to write, edit photos and most surprisingly of all, shoot. I'm obviously not the purist that I once felt I was, though my roots will continue to run deep.

With the iPad and a few apps, I can shoot, edit, upload without every having to touch a self contained camera or computer. I have only basic apps and nothing of special note, but I will search in hopes to find something unique. I would like to make the mini more substantial somehow, better hand hold ability, tripod mountable and maybe even a dark cloth. Prints are not going to be huge from this way of shooting, but the spirit of my imaginings are being carried forth in such an elegant and simple manner.

I'm shooting plates and Fuji Instant film as well and will continue to do so. Making prints will become a priority as well. It is a good year!


















The freedom I am allowed since being confined to the studio for my personal work has been refreshing. Looking forward to more progess...

Cadence

Music | Into Dust by Mazzy Star

Oh so very important...

I am living life right now.
Obsessions, nervous tension, racing thoughts...
This is what it is to be alive.
Knowing that this is life, makes me feel much less of a desire to sabotage this feeling.
But the urge is still there...
Because it is consuming, the feeling of uneasiness, tracks of the mind being one, then 100...
I am both reliving my youth and living in the moment.
All lines of life seem blurred.
I enjoy the floating sensation and despise the eventual end.
Conflicts in my head become overwhelming.

one of two...

Music | Last Goodbye by Jeff Buckley

Shooting plates has certainly honed my ability to seek truth in a more focused and concentrated manner. With my limited amount of the Fuji 3000B Instant Film, I've taken a similar approach. I will however shoot until I get at least one image I am happy with, but as it has been, I haven't had to take more than 3 exposures to meet that need.

My latest is of Cadence, one of two... I need to say it again, I really love this film, specifically the negative to positive conversion. The textures and muted tones, the natural frame created after pulling the print... I love chemical photography.


Cadence | 2014-05-12

Photo Bomb

Music | Slip Into Your Skin by Patrick Wilson

Not sure this is the correct term, but whatever it was, it sure was a lot of fun! After being ill over the weekend, I had planned on just doing nothing for the rest of my Monday. Late into the afternoon, plans started to develop and suddenly, I had a photo shoot for early evening. Photography, not for the show, not for a client, but simply for the fun of it.

Cadence was the instigator for the evening, but I had the plans. We would go out to an industrial part of town, shoot some "daring" photos out in the public world where location, timing, a little pre planning and luck would determine our fate. Photo Bombing is new to me and with my little experience, but some forethought, turned out to be an adventure for both of us.


A simple start inside the car. Cadence heated up quickly after this series...


Confidence quickly grew as we shot, moved, shot, moved...


... and attitude too!


Though all of the locations were desolate, there were folks moving about thru the area...


Upon finishing up our last shot, Cadence had always wanted to do this on train tracks. Who am I to quell a girls long time dream...


The digital plates worked out immensely well. I love this simple portrait.


The narrow wall cuts out many from view.


One of our boldest shots of the evening.
This is just what the doctor ordered. I needed to have some fun as the stress of getting the exhibition photos are heavy upon me. It is also a project I would love to work on. Being out on location is just so different from being in the studio. I love the change of pace and it makes me massage my brain to make each photo work in different situations. Look for more Photo Bomb photos soon!

An Artist Statement...

Music | April in Paris by Billie Holliday

In the last few minutes of the month of April, I thought it would be appropriate to have Billie Holliday sing off the month along with my spiritual city of Paris...

I was asked to write an artist statement for my exhibition coming up at the begining of June. When the month of May begins, I'll have to have the goal of 20 finished and framed ambrotypes ready to deliver.

To keep my mojo in the positive, I am meeting the deadline of my artist statement, due May 1, which can also be read here. Not so much about me in the general sense, but more precisely, the relation of the process of my photography and the interests of the subject matter...

My path to learn and explore Wet Plate Collodion and my curiosity in Kink started at about the same time. Though a few years passed when I combined my two new interests, I went along my merry way without much thought.

Recently, the question of why I do what I do was asked of me and for some time, I wasn’t sure I had an answer. The one thing I did know was that my passion to learn Wet Plate Collodion had taken hold of me and demanded much of my time. I had fallen in love with photography again much in the same way it did when I first learned to process film, develop prints in the darkroom… Photography was not only visual back then. The sense of touch and smell, timing and hand to eye coordination were abilities one had to hone… Wet Plate Collodion brought all the back and upped the ante, almost if not specifically, spiritual.

As I wandered thru all the world that is Kink, I felt an affinity to rope, and bondage from my Japanese heritage. Shibari and more specifically, Kinbaku, the art of erotic bondage held me much in the same way as my desire to learn Wet Plate Collodion. It was at this point where by natural serendipity that my 2 worlds intertwined.

Through the past 3 years, it wasn’t until recently where I have decided to take on a more active role in learning more about Shibari. Like learning the art of the Wet Plate, I have my moments where the feeling of helplessness rages on in my brain. However, with time and the willingness to move foreword, I’m often rewarded with the feeling of creating and the embracing of souls.

In One Session...

Music | Avalon by Roxy Music

A new Muse... I hope so.

Juliana and I have recently collaborated in informal settings before, but this session was our first formal sitting. We came up with a general game plan in advance. My goal was to have an 8x10 ambrotype for the upcoming exhibition, which is counting down way too quickly. Interspersed between the plates, I used a digital slr and my ipad with the tintype app to "grab" what I could. I thought it was cute, even before we started that Juliana felt nervous. However, I knew I would get what I needed. The filler photos that I don't count on to get meaningful images worked out amazingly well...


Tin Type App

Tin Type App

Tin Type App

Tin Type App

Digital

Digital

Digital

Digital

Digital

8x10 Ambrotype

8x10 Ambrotype