Imperfection...

Music | This Must Be the Place by Talking Heads

It isn't that I don't want to master the things I undertake, specifically in photography, but I am taking an appreciation for the flaws that come out of doing things in a non digital manner. Of course I want even development across the film plane, no dust, no fixer stains...

Looking at this image, and its inherent issues, I love it for what it is, but also that it shows that no, this is not a digital image. It was created with lots of time and love. Going thru its iterations of a blank canvas, to a latent image, development, fixer and wash... When going thru these stages, I am on top of my game as best as I know how. I care about each and every step I take with this piece of film... to make the image.


Hoop Skirt
I want wabi sabi. I like distinction. I want soul.

Building an Ultra Large Format Camera

Music | Honey by Moby

Lately, there have been a good amount of posts of people who are making ULF cameras, anything larger than an 8x10. It never occurred to me that maybe I could build one as I felt it was way out of my skill level. Not only that, cost for film is just outrageous and how would I ever be able to process a 16x20 or 20x24 sheet? But with the thought of paper negatives, X-ray film and Direct Positive Paper, the idea of being able to create native images Big is turning my head and the idea is intriguing me more.

I am starting to realize I don't need a fully functioning camera in the traditional sense. I won't be shooting wide ranging subject matter of landscapes to close ups, but more simply, 1/2 to 3/4 shots of a body. One of the hardest parts of building such a camera would be eliminated, knowing what it will be used for. I will have to figure out what lense I will be using and factor the general distance I will be shooting from the subject. I can make a no bellows sliding box camera..

At this point, I am thinking in totally a naive perspective. In due time, I'll do some homework and see how feasible this idea is to construct. I have to admit, shooting 16x20 or even 11x14 is an exciting thought!

Marie

Music | Crescent by John Coltrane


Marie | 8x10

Slow Down!

Music | The Crossing by The World Saxophone Quartet

With deadlines still more than 5 months out, the Big Project I am working on with Françoise Weeks has put undo pressure on my psyche. Our shoot before today especially felt stressful to me, even though everything was pretty much figured out in advance. We had great models, I had an assistant, we had plenty of time in the studio. Yet, I realized even during that shoot, I wasn't as relaxed, or I just felt a gnawing that pestered me through most of our time.

I've gotten better at figuring out what it could be if something gets me in this mindset. I decided that like in my previous post, I needed to breathe. I was getting so caught up in the project that I forgot to just have fun. Take 3 steps back and then start over.

This shoot Françoise and I did earlier today, though quickly put together, I went back to basics. Work the grey area and make it simple. I realized on the previous shoot, I was working in extreme mode. I made things way more difficult than they needed to be. This time, one light, mostly head shots and little changes. I switched from the dslr to 8x10, screwed up a sheet, but let it slide. I thought to myself at least I realized the mistake.

I often go back to a series of portraits I did at a café I frequented called Madrona Hill. This was back in maybe 2003. I think of that series that jump started me back into being creative. One camera, one lens and natural light. Check it out. It is a short but good read.

That was my inspiration to get back home. Today was a great shoot...


Marie wearing a Françoise Weeks Original"

Progess

Music | To Build a Home (Radio Version) by Cinematic Orchestra

39 prints. I get to frame them now! Oh boy!


Hand stamped and signed

1 of 20

Music | Hindsight by DJ Shadow

It is 12:45 a.m. I am in the midst of opening 20 files and making prints for the Freedom Fighters presentation and reception that will be happening in a little over 2 weeks. With huge printing problems earlier, I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to fix or have an alternative ready to go. In all, 39 prints of portraits will be made and framed.

It appears the printing is going well (knock wood) with a streamlined process in place. I'm breezing through the first 20 and should be done soon.

I love these late night productive moments.

What is Beautiful...

Music | Resolution by Thievery Corporation

I'm sitting here wondering what to write because this image is having an enveloping play with my brain. I often get to a point where I know if I think about it hard enough, I will be able to verbalize some nuances of my thoughts. Sometimes, I don't care and admire it and let it go. It is a beautiful image for right now, just for the sake of beauty.


This is Beautiful...
I don't always have the need to express in words what I feel. I don't have art speak on my mind hardly ever anyway. I've been told that is important to be able to speak about your work. I have enough of a hard time to even come up with an artist statement, let alone talk about specific work and how it relates to me. I am working on it though.

Today, I don't give a fuck. I post this image out into the world because I feel like it.

Fuck you.

Breathe

Music | Intergalactic by Beastie Boys


I've been shooting more 8x10 recently than ever before. Along with the idea that the more we know, the more we know nothing, I've taken to bowing down and shooting this large format like a true beginner. I had a shoot yesterday with the Burke and James and while going through the motions, I felt like I had to move double time to catch up on my ignorance. I am sure my collaborators there at the time would agree. I've noticed most of the time I shoot 8x10, I am not relaxed and hence, I probably miss a lot what this particular experience is trying to say.





Gotta break it down and learn to breathe!

It Never Ends...

Music | Blue Friday by Kenny Dorham

The more you know, the more you know you have so much to learn... I just heard that earlier today at the café. How true, how true... Photography has been an intimate part of me for more than half my life. Lots of time, knowledge, mistakes... Adventures, more knowledge, not just technical, but the life lessons that have come along the way as well. I can say from the deepest part of my heart, it is a craft that I know more than most people. Some of that knowledge is automatic, like loading a Hasselblad film back, or putting a 30 year old light meter in my hand and know exactly how to use it like I was using it yesterday. Innate knowledge learned through repetition.

As I move thru the years and hopefully more profoundly with photography, on occasion I have epiphanies. I have learned we exploit what we know because we know by this time we do it well. I also have figured out that it is easy to rest on laurels and stay on the same course if I am not careful. I have been fortunate enough to move thru a diverse array of processes and technologies. I know it is easy to get caught up in the technical, forgoing for whatever reason not pushing forward artistically.

I have moved from my early days working with film, then digital, then shifting back to film, and now processes from the mid 1800's, going in the opposite direction of the modern. 4x5, 8x10, antiquated processes, hands on. Those are merely tools, a way to a final image. It has taken me all these years to get to where I am, and I am only now thinking of not the process, but the image. I've gotten good at conveying the obvious, but now comes the hard part... Convey ideas in between the lines...

Sometimes I feel like all the time that has passed, I should be there and not here. It is relative, and these years did do good in teaching me we move at our own speed and the lessons come when they do. All this knowledge and so far to go...

I'm Only Happy when it Rains

Music | 6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps

I started a late night print run, wanting to get a nice print to gift to Epson, who has for the 4th year in a row donated ink and paper. This year, I shot 39 portraits over 2 days during the Roosevelt High School Freedom Fighters Event, where the Freshman class prepare, interview, write about and publish their own book about their experiences with the Freedom Fighters, who are championing the causes of Social Justice. A traveling exhibition also accompany the student's efforts. I've got about 3 weeks to print and frame those 39 portraits for display at the reception and then presented to each of the Freedom Fighters who were apart of this years festivities.

This gesture to Epson is to thank them for making my part much more special than just having images on screen. The framed prints as gifts to the participants has become tradition and I feel only more honored to be able to make substance these images to put out into the world.

After more than 5 weeks of inactivity because of major printer issues, I finally got it working proper and was able to make a few positive test runs. Epson is about great printers, colour and black and white. Each year I make a print to give them as a small token of my appreciation. In the past, the framed prints were black and white. Having recently shot with Françoise Weeks, creating quite a few stunning colour images, I had this one in mind. A few last minute test runs and one head clean, a beautiful print rolled out, stamped, signed then framed. I will with great pride hand over this image and feel I gave back something of rare beauty...



As I write about this evening, it clicks in at 1:11 a.m. While cleaning the glass and positioning the print in the mat, I felt a sense of euphoria. While the world sleeps, I'm down in the basement in my work space creating art. I know I am a lucky soul to be able to do what I get to do. I have much to appreciate...

If I were a Woman...

Music | Le Chat du Café Des Artiste by Charlotte Gainsbourg

I would be a better Photographer...

Sarah Moon

It lights me up to watch this video of Sarah Moon's images, hearing her words. I feel a direct connection, and yet, feel so disconnected.

Muscle Memory

Music | Three on Two (Live) by Fred Anderson

It has been years since I processed roll film. I remember back at Loop Jr. College, where I took my first photography class with Ms. Jensen, she had us learn to load our film on to the more difficult stainless steel reels and tanks. I think her thought was, plastic was for amateurs! I always appreciated that as when I started to work as an apprentice to professional photographers, I fit right into any darkroom I encountered. I cannot fathom the thought of how many rolls of film I have processed, but of course as the digital technology took over, my exercise in developing film increasingly lessoned to nothing for years! Only on the rare occasions after 1999 where I wanted to entertain the past did I shoot a roll of 35mm or 120 film.

A little less than a year ago, I purchased a 1958 Yashica Mat LM. Dara started the roll over the summer, but never finished shooting it. Having the desire to shoot with that camera, I finished off the roll earlier today and processed this evening. I was surprised at how without much thought, how I separated the paper and film from the 120 roll. With just a minor hesitation, I slipped the paper end of the film onto the clip of the reel and with an ever so gentle bend, started to wind the film onto the reel. Several thousand times I went through those exact same motions. It was as if I was put back into the late 80's in either my own darkroom or of a photographer who I freelanced for to process film shot from a Hasselblad, Canon or Nikon...


Ms. Jensen taught me well...


...and I am sure would be proud

Purity...

Music | Headlock by Imogen Heap

I get so much joy out of processing film. It is a time when I am in the moment, especially pulling the big 8x10 neg out of the tank for the first time, and always having that sigh of relief of seeing image.

It is the closest thing for me to be a magician. Turning a blank sheet of film into a view-able object. After doing this for over 30 years, I'm still amazed at the various analogue photographic processes.



My hands still linger of fixer and my skin is dry as a desert. There are containers to wash and clean and dry, put away the chemicals, put away the equipment used. My negatives are still wet, so I distract time doing something else... Right now on the computer, writing about the process... Still wet.

Patience is mandatory, the process is slow, tedious and exact. Chemicals must be mixed, poured and timed. I'm not only a magician, but a chemist and dancer as well.

It is the time between that I think I love so much. That period where you are forced to wait. Time passes and if you aren't distracting yourself with something else, your mind goes to a place where things can fall in, epiphanies, ideas, and often, things out of left field where you say to yourself, wtf?

Time to check the film again...

Late Christmas

Music | Look for Me (I'll Be around) by Neko Case

I love getting unexpected Christmas gifts after Christmas. To say it was unexpected is kind of unfair as I got to work with Françoise Weeks again. I just kind of expect great things whenever we work together. On this day, I put together a crew with an assistant and make up artist for the shoot. Also, I have a great studio to work in with lots of room to spread out. It feels like we are stepping up to the next level.



As per usual, we came up with a simple concept and moved forward. Because of a new project, I'd have to kill you if I told you what it was. Suffice to say, we have another absolute amazing image. It will be a while before these new images will be released. However, because we put so much into each shoot, we decided to do a secondary shoot where we could show something.

Having great support and lots of room to work, though I wanted to do even more, we got so much into each of the photos without feeling overly over done. The room to be able to breath cannot be taken lightly. When things ramp up in the brain, either by inspiration or some technical issue, it is nice to be able to physically step back and get a different view to work things out.

After working on getting our HERO shot, I let the make up artist go. Our only initial concept for the secondary shoot was that we were going to use mud and cheese cloth. It is an idea I worked with before, but thought this was another opportunity to push the idea further.





Having great talent to work with makes creating so fulfilling. The energy goes thru the roof when collaboration happens. Not often do you get lost in the moment. Time goes away... I'm all ready looking forward to work with these folks again.

Volvo 245

Music | Avalon by Roxy Music

Just picked up my very first station wagon, a 1983 Volvo 245, white with turbo exhaust, Virgo Wheels, sport suspension, 4 speed with electronic over drive. It needs a few things- drivers seat, sounds, tinted windows to keep out of site my gear and a roof rack... odometer reads 300,000+, but still pulls strong.



I am really excited about the possibilities of setting up the dark box in the rear and shooting Wet Plate Collodion outdoors. I'll see in the next few months if it is truly road worthy for extended trips. The thought of driving down to Monterey or even cross country would be fantastic! Loading and unloading great is gonna be a breeze. I even thought of camping and just sleeping in the back. In any case, Here is to Adventure!

Freedom Fighters, Day 2

Music | Song for My Father by Horace Silver

Day 2 was as the first day. More amazing people to photograph for the Freedom Fighter series. It was nice to see some familiar faces who are apart of this gifted group of people. There were a total of 39 portraits I shot in the last 2 day. I've gotten succinct in having to photograph so many people in a very short amount of time. I am with each subject for at most 3 minutes where I take maybe 4 to 6 exposures. That includes introduction by the way.

2015 Freedom Fighters, Part 1

Music | A Love Supreme by John Coltrane

The Writing Center at Roosevelt High School puts on a program where every Freshman student is given the opportunity to interview modern day Freedom Fighters, socially conscious individuals who has fought for the rights of people living here in Portland, Oregon. This is the 4th year I have been given the opportunity to photograph these heroes. A few from day 1 and 20 portraits...

October...

Music | Latin Quarter by Johnny Griffin

Memory Lane at Midnight

Music | A Love Supreme by John Coltrane

1990, I took a trip to Japan. Fantastic memorable trip visiting family and being a tourist. But one of the things I also hold dear to that time, shortly after I got back was the jet lag. I'd be up wide awake at 4 a.m. I felt bad that I wasn't really getting anything done as I would be asleep during the day. So one night, around 11 p.m., I went into the darkroom and started developing film and making prints. I'd be in there til 5 to 6 a.m. for the next week. I was so amazingly productive, no distractions... Music and photography...

Tonite, I decided to process some 8x10 film I have had sitting since last Sunday. I've been too busy doing other things, I just had no time during the week. I was brought back to those evenings, 25 years ago as I pulled the film out of the fix and into the wash. I'm winding down quickly, after hanging the film to dry, with a great sense of accomplishment and to be able to see what I got on film...

Time...

Music | Where is My Mind by Maxence Cyrin

I am doing a reorganization and slight move of the office. I created a nice cozy little room in the basement to serve as a work area and computer room. The rest of the basement is in shambles as I move things around. I'm dreading getting to the point where I run out of room and things will have to be given away or sent to the garbage...

In making this move, I find miscellaneous boxes, boxes of stuff, boxes of paper work, but most fun, boxes of prints. This image has always been one of my favorites, since the very moment I made a print. In fact, this could be the very print!

I've been taught well by my mentors, those I have met and have known, those that have inspired me through books and exhibitions. I love when I find a 20+ year old image that I could still put in my portfolio today. It makes me feel like I've had a sound foundation from my beginnings. I've kept my vision and just enjoyed the journey.

I think I drove a Pontiac Sunbird when I shot this. I was able to park less than a 100 yards from this spot and maybe put in a few quarters for the parking meter. I'm certain things have changed! I shot with Canon F-1N's and had a slew of fantastic lenses. Gabriella, I've remembered through out all these years. Some people just leave a lasting impression...


Scan of a Silver Gelatine Print
reprise: Upon having this print by my side for the past hour now, I've become mesmerized by it presence. I keep going back to the shoulder line, the wrinkles in the dress as the wind must have been blowing. I have just enough facial detail to bring back Gabriella's amazingly beautiful face in full force. I love how I can come back...